Glaven’s been busy lately, and not just scratching/grooming/conversing with his scrotal sac – although I’m sure that these activities still do constitute a large portion of his time. When he can tear himself away from his own n*ts@ck, he’s been creating all sorts of kick ass creatures like the “Bearsharktopus” and the “Mooselobsterguana.” He’s taking the strongest, most defining characteristic of three creatures and melding them into one SuperCreature. And I would like me some of that. Because if Glaven used his powers for good, and also remembered that it is a RUNNING blog that he is writing, then he could create a SuperRunner.
Said runner would have:
- Oscar Pistorious’ “bouncy question mark legs” (direct quote from teh Boy Moose, who feared that our ridonculously unsafe lawn mower would sever his legs, which would then have to be placed by steel legs resembling punctuation marks. As if I would EVER spring for such expensive prosthetics. Hello!? Boy Moose?!? Roll yourself about on a used skateboard, why don’t ya? That way you’ll be much closer to the grass which you will STILL be required to mow. HA! )
- Semenya Caster’s ambiguous genitalia. (I include ”ambiguous genitalia” only because this phrase brings huge numbers of perverts to this blog. You know who you are.)
- My sweaty, giddy, shit eating “OhMyGodI JustThisSecondQualifiedForBoston!!!” grin.
Yeah…That would be the grin in question. And it’s still there, even though I BQ’d nearly a year ago. I’m also still wearing that medal. It’s turned my chest green and rancid but I frankly don’t care.
I’m running a 4-miler this afternoon and I’m thinking I could use me some bouncy question mark legs. Also some man junk and a big stoopid, BQ grin. That’s because the weather today is completely harksucktic. It’s chilly and it’s POURING. I’m already registered, though, and as the cheapest person in North America this means that I MUST run. My best 4-miler finish time is 31:06 at the Mount Claddagh Run. But I mighta been dressed as a leprechaun for that one. And I mighta had some green beer at a water stop or two. So I’m hoping to do better than that today. I’d LOVE to do 30:00, what with my love of whole numbers, but I guess I could live with a 29:59 as well.
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September 27, 2009 at 9:35 am
Keith
Chilly? Raining? Bah! BAH I say! I’m looking out my back window to my neighbour’s cars, and there is major frost on those things. Our house inside is 16 C, since we had the windows open last night.
With your times you are already a more super runner than I am now, which isn’t saying much, and I’d say more than I’ll ever be, but that would be Impugning my coach and she’d kick my ass. Still, you don’t need the bouncy question mark legs.
That grin is a winner. Have to say that. But, I’ll say it before GQH says it, that with your mad computer skillz, that may just be your look after rowdy sex, and you’ve photoshopped it into a running background. Have to cover all possibilities here.
September 27, 2009 at 9:44 am
deloosemoose
Keith: It’s such an experience corresponding with you. It’s like I’ve left the country, without even having to deal with Customs or rude airline personnel. By which I mean, of course that you have again misspelled “neighbor” and used the incorrect symbol for “fahrenheit”. I’m gonna go find me a conversion scale online (despite my complete and utter lack of computerly skillz) to see just how freakin’ cold 16 C is. But I’m thinking you might want to close the windows, lest a polar bear or some other Canadian monstrosity ambles right on in.
And you’re right – one should never impugn one’s coach. It just sounds dirty.
September 27, 2009 at 9:54 am
Keith
16 C is 61 F, for the metrically challenged. Outside, it was 2 C last night, which is 35 or 36 or so. In a little while that’s going to seem warm. But it’s going to be sunny today, so it will warm up quick.
The polar bears don’t come visiting till later. I’m trying to work out a deal with them, where they can live year round in the nice rivers that flow through Calgary, catching whatever fish they can find at the new weir, and not eating or bothering regular people, but doing whatever they like to the politicians we paint with seal oil and toss in for them. Near as I can tell, that’s the only real use for politicians. But you can’t do it too often, cause all the nasty stuff inside the politicians would upset the bears digestion.
September 27, 2009 at 9:47 am
deloosemoose
Keith: You pussy! 16 C = 61 F. Guess where we keep our thermostat set? 55 F at night time, and 60 F during the day. Have I mentioned that I’m the cheapest person in North America? And that my lips are blue from October through May?
September 27, 2009 at 9:56 am
Keith
You found a converter! Yay! There is hope. After a while it will sink in and the pure logic of the metric system will take over your brain, leading to all sorts of rationality that will spread and gradually cure the US of whatever ails it now. Which is surely a lack of rationality.
I would keep the thermostat lower than we do, but I’m not in charge here. Neither is Amelia the cat. Despite what my wife has to say about that.
September 27, 2009 at 12:02 pm
gqh
And that my lips are blue from October through May?
So waitwaitwait … Only October Through May? Like what does that mean? You withhold oral sex from Teh Smurfs from June to September?
That seems kinda arbitrary, lUmU!
Also: I created the Mooselobsterguana, but NOT Teh Bearsharktopus. (Whoever did that had waaay better photoshopping skillz than I.)
I’m just the person who caught the Bearsharktopus devouring a Wild Harksuck.
(“Harksuck” not to be confused with a “Smurfsuck”, izzit, Blue Lips?)
Hahahahahaha! Your stupid blogging software thinks “n*ts@ck” is an email hotlink because it has an at-sign in it!
September 27, 2009 at 4:25 pm
deloosemoose
Glaven: Yeah…Smurfette and I job share, and she’s got June – September.
And I’m such a technotard that when I wrote “n*ts@ck” and it made a link I thought it was all YOUR doing.
Also, don’t do anything too evil with my shit-eating grin pic. Papa Smurf owes me big time, so you really don’t want to get on my bad side.
September 27, 2009 at 5:11 pm
deloosemoose
Glaven: Check out this sick shit: http://myfirstfail.com/2009/09/26/funny-baby-photos-i-just-ate-a-smurf/
September 27, 2009 at 12:05 pm
gqh
O, yeah … good luck in your 4 miler today.
I now have a copy of the shit-eating grin picture. Can’t wait to see what odd place that face might end up at.
September 27, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Missy
PR’s trump round numbers any day of the week! The run will be a round number so that totally counts. Can’t wait to hear what won – OCD or PR?
September 28, 2009 at 6:45 pm
deloosemoose
Missy: PR beat out OCD, surprisingly enough. I’ll post a race report soon.
September 28, 2009 at 10:04 am
NeedleRunning
I cannot believe that G totally missed the Semen opening in your title. I am dismayed and disappointed in our resident perv.
Hope you kicked some arse in the run this weekend.
September 28, 2009 at 6:51 pm
deloosemoose
Needle: I KNOW!! He sometimes passes up the too obvious ones, though. Not challenging enough, I guess.
And I kicked SOME arse, but not ALL the arse. Have I mentioned how much I HATE hills???