I Am the Definition of Speed

Today BoyMoose and I ran one of my very favorite races.  (In an effort to maintain my schweet, schweet secret identity, I’ll not be revealing its true name, so it will heretofore be known as the Bog Rodent 5K and 10K.  Just suck it up, Spidey fans, ’cause like Peter Parker, I don’t care to be outed.)

  This is a great, great race for several reasons.  First and foremost, it is relatively close to Frostburgg, so one need not rely on J.’s Tom Tom GPS or M.’s insanely accurate internal compass to locate the site of the Bog Rodent Run.  (Good thing, too, as both J. and M. chose to shun this run in favor of ridiculously pesky, time-sucking  pursuits like “family time” and “career building.”  Jeesh.  It’s a sad, sad day in the running world when one lets silly things like kids and work take precedence over sweating like a dog amidst hundreds of strangers.  Fear not – I’ll definitely be talking to those two to help them to reprioritize and to come to their senses.)

Another reason this run is one of my favorites is because it’s just far enough away from the city to deter the real runners from participating, which therefore increases the odds for us slowpokes of winning an age group award.  (By “the city”, of course, I refer to that place 30 miles south of Frostburgg where the residents proudly claim to “bleed orange”.  Orange blood – WTF? Must be that their proximity to one of the nation’s most polluted bodies of water has caused them to mutate. Where’s Erin Brockovich when you need her?)

The turnout at this year’s Bog Rodent was impressive.  I located BoyMoose amidst the crowd, and he quickly flashed me the antler sign as the gun went off for the 5K.  While the Boy was running, I spent my time in the rest rooms, wishing I had eaten two individual AlphaBits cereal pieces and a bowlful of Immodium, rather than the other way around.  Stupid, stupid bowels.

27:22 minutes later BoyMoose’s fast young hooves carried him across the finish line.  Yay, BoyMoose, for what I believe may be a PR! 

Now for the amazing news:  I ROCKED today!  Despite my treacherous bowels, I managed a very nice PR, shaving nearly three minutes off of my previous best 10K.  In fact, I was the fourth person with ovaries to cross the finish line!!  I finished in exactly 47 minutes, which means I averaged a 7:34 minute/mile.  In your face, Uta Pippig!!! Immediately after crossing the finish line, I visited the rest rooms yet again, and loudly cursed their conspicuous lack of both bidets and washing machines. ‘Cause half ply toilet paper and cups of water can only do so much, people.

At the awards ceremony I received, as I did last year,  the highly coveted and very elegant Bog Rodent ceramic coffee mug.  I’m hoping the race committe will decide to expand to other pieces of table wear in future runs, as I’d dearly love an entire service for eight of Rodent related dishes.  This would make a fine heirloom, I’m thinking, for future generations.  ‘Cause who doesn’t want to look at rodents as they empty their plates of AlphaBit-Immodium casserole, that’s what I’d like to know.